Gertrude Cornfoot was an ordinary lady with an ordinary job, living in an ordinary apartment. What set her apart from the others was her piercing green eyes and dyed-brown pixie cut, which she thought suited her very much. She was on the taller side with legs that stretched to the moon, and today she threw on her favorite pair of skinny jeans to show that off. Reader, you are not alone if you are crying with envy.
Gertrude walked into the elevator in her apartment complex with an unusual spring in her step, because for once, she was looking forward to work. She had met her CEO just yesterday, and he really caught her eye, being nearly a head shorter than her and his bald head glistening under the office lights. Gertrude loved bald men, which is something I will never understand.
“Just my type,” she thought as she struggled to contain her giggles.
She had just pressed the first floor when a tall stranger with dark brown eyes and the worst green haircut anyone had ever seen hurried in after her. He seemed a bit crazy, but Gertrude loved crazy men.
“My name is Bartholomew, nice to meet you!” He offered her a handshake as soon as he stepped in. Gertrude didn’t even have time to feel confused before the elevator went completely dark and halted its descent.
“My name is Gertrude,” said Gertrude. She opened her phone flashlight and shone it around the elevator, catching her second glimpse of this stranger. Under the dim light, the stranger would look extremely creepy to the normal person, but Gertrude, being Gertrude, felt her heart thumping in her chest.
“You’re the ugliest person I’ve ever met!” she exclaimed, and reader, I have to confirm that Gertrude was right.
“I don’t even know what you look like, but let’s get married and move to Tuvalu!” the stranger exclaimed back. Clearly, he matched her vibe.
“Not right now,” said Gertrude. Why was she feeling disappointed? “I have to get to work.”
“Where do you work?” asked the stranger. “Maybe I could do something about that.” Oh, how Gertrude loved a man with influence.
“At XYZ company…but I don’t appreciate people asking these personal questions!” Yes, it was about time Gertrude started being coy. What she heard next blew her mind completely.
“What a coincidence! My 24-year-old nephew is the CEO of that company!” the stranger said enthusiastically. It is here, reader, that I will clarify Gertrude’s age, because it is no longer an avoidable question. She is quite a middle-aged woman, in her mind, because she was nearing 43; her birthday was next week.
“I’ll see to it that you’ll never have to work a day in your life again,” the stranger continued. “Then we’ll run away to St. Vincent and the Grenadines for our honeymoon!” For Gertrude, it was just now sinking in that she might be set for life.
Suddenly, the elevator lights turned on, and they resumed their descent. The stranger went silent, and Gertrude snapped back to reality.
“How embarrassing!” Gertrude thought. She could feel herself turning red. She never saw that ugly stranger again, but never forgot him until she died.
