Bob is a person who loves cooking. He also isn’t very good at it. Every time he tries to cook, delightful chaos happens. Last time he cooked a meal, he set his house on fire. He was just trying to make pepperoni pizza. He went to the store, bought all the ingredients necessary, and then went home to make pizza. He was out of olive oil, so he used gasoline instead. He then proceeded to use a blowtorch instead of the oven because he thought it would take a little less time. It didn’t. The fire department had to come and extinguish the enormous fire that ensued, because Bob lives next door to a gas station, and the gas station exploded.

Yesterday he tried to make spaghetti. The key word being “tried.” He wanted to make his own sauce, so he bought tomatoes and other ingredients with which to make pasta sauce, and he tried to crush them. He lost a few brain cells trying to figure out how to crush a tomato, and in the end, he decided to do it with his own fists. He punched each vegetable at full force. He managed to knock over every tomato.

When he decided to finally give up on making his own pasta sauce, Bob tried to make the spaghetti itself. He waited for two hours for the water to boil, only to realize that he hadn’t turned the burner on. He then turned it on “high,” but he left the water boiling for so long that all of the water evaporated. When he finally got the timing right, he left the pasta box in the pot and, consequently, his cooked spaghetti tasted like cardboard and glue.

That day, he just gave up and ordered fried chicken. When he got home, the food was cold, so he microwaved it. He must have left it in for a little bit too long, because after about an hour of cooking on “high” in a microwave oven, the chicken exploded.