A Mysterious Delivery

One fine Sunday, I woke up from my afternoon nap and heard someone ringing at our doorbell. no one was there, but I saw a box on the stairs of the porch’s bench. I took it inside and brought it into my room. “Oh, the box weighs is heavier than I thought.” I said. I opened the box and saw a dog. “Wow, I have had always wanted a dog, but my mama never allowed me to,” I said “I’m in luck.” Great introductory paragraph!

I was so happy that I played catch with my dog, Lucy. Then, I decided to go over to my best friend Marianne’s house. We strolled upstairs and went into the room. We both had wanted a dog before. “So, what do you want to show me?” asked Marianne. I took out Lucy out of the box, but this time she had grown one pair of purple beautiful wings. ” Aaaahh!” screamed Marianne and I. “What’s that noise, girls?!” asked Marianne’s mother. “Nothing.” we replied. “Why does the dog have a pair of wings?” asked Marianne. You use ‘asked’ a few times here. What about other verbs like ‘wondered’? “I dont’ know?,” “When I am was playing with it, I didn’t see this pair of wings.” Who is speaking here?

Suddenly, the dog said, “Hi, I am your new pet dog, nice to meet you.” Nice surprise! “Yeah, uh hi!” I replied. “Who gave this to you?” whispered Marianne whispered to me. “I don’t know either,” I replied quietly. Nice use of verbs and adverbs for the dialogue here! “Your neighbor Ms. Lulupie gave it to you.” said Lucy.

“Never mind, can you be my pet dog?” asked Marianne. “No it’s my dog,” I argued. Great use of varied vocabulary! We argued for about ten minutes until the dog fell asleep, but the dog left a note saying: “The girl with red curly hair will be the one to keep me.” “Ooh la la, it’s me!” I replied. Soon, I brought the dog home and told Mom all about Lucy. Mom agreed to keep it.

Great story, Giselle! I like how you used different verbs for the dialogue—’whispered,’ ‘argued,’ etc. I also like the structure of the story. I think one thing that you could add to the story is a bit of detail about the dog and why it’s special. Why did it grow a pair of wings? Why does it talk? You also wrap up the story at the end quickly about who the dog decides to go with. Why does the dog decide this? What happens between the narrator and Marianne as a result? You use conflict well in the story, and I think you could even add more in that aspect. It’s a great story though, and very fun! Good use of suspense and covers all the different parts of a story plot well. Nice job!