Before the Beep
My whole body
All numb and cold,
shivering.
The voice almost always,
ALWAYS rings inside my head-–
You have to warm up,
Bite back the pain,
You’ll forget about it
When you achieve.
It’s that that holds me back
When can I stop,
When can I take a break,
When will I reach my goal.
Warmup,
Today,
I feel tired,
Slower,
Like the drops of rain
Are weighing me down.
Swimming one lap is already killing me.
How
am I supposed to survive my race.
Getting out
of the warmup pool
is always a pain.
It was nice and warm in the pool,
Climbing out,
To the chilling touch of rain.
I stand and wait behind the blocks,
Watching the heat before me.
There were disappointed faces
And shouts of accomplishments.
The long whistle blows,
I step up.
“Take your marks,” the starter calls.
Then the familiar sound of the beep,
Which to me is more like a frog croak,
Vibrates in my ear.
I dive,
My legs still sore
For no particular reason.
Maybe just because I was too nervous.
When my muscles burn, I want to stop.
When my lungs beg for air, I want to stop.
When my mind yells, “Slow down,” I want to listen to it.
When my opponent passes me, I want to give up.
I finish the race with regret.
I hear words of encouragement, congrats, and frustration.
Encouragement,
From my teammates.
Congrats,
To strangers that I have no idea who they are.
Frustration,
From my parents.
I sit in my chair,
Trying to eat,
My parents lecture of how I’m supposed to
Swim the race,
Turns into muffled voices in my head.
I have one more race to go,
My last chance to reach my goal for the year.
As the boys in my team are saying,
Lock in.
I get to the warmup pool
Extra early.
This time,
I’m going to try to take
My parent’s advice,
My coach’s,
MY experience.
I make sure my body is warm enough
To fight the icy rain.
I eat my energy chew,
Drink my Gatorade,
And recite how I’m
Going to swim this race
In my head.
I keep my body warm,
By not just standing still,
Waiting for my race.
I keep moving,
Stretching,
And joke with my teammates.
It always seem to help
Wash away the anxiety.
“Take your marks”,
I focus on not false starting,
“Beep”,
I focus on the push off,
Splash,
I slice through the water,
Making sure every detail is done.
This time,
When my muscles burn, I keep going.
When my lungs beg for air, I keep going.
When my mind whispers, “Slow down,” I keep going.
When I smash into the wall, I know I will never regret this swim.
I reached my goal,
But in the future,
Even though
I did not give up during the race,
The result might not
Be the one I want.
Even so,
You keep going.