Dear Moya Zhao,
I think your article was well written. However, there are a few things I think you could have done better. Firstly, I think you should have described in more detail about what the scientists did. You don’t go in depth, and just mention what scientists were recruited and what their goal is. Secondly, you introduced Havana syndrome, but then left it alone for a few paragraphs before suddenly bringing it up again. You could organize the Havana paragraphs together, instead of jumping back and forth between topics. Lastly, you don’t have any quotes. Quotes can help illustrate your point more, so you could include some.
I ask you to read this letter and consider making the stated changes to your article. I think this will improve it.
Sincerely,
Alexander Gu
Sources:
https://www.ewcjournal.com/post/spy-agencies-turn-to-scientists-as-they-wrestle-with-mysteries
I think your article was well written. However, there are a few things I think you could have done better. Firstly, I think you should have described in more detail about what the scientists did. You don’t go in depth, and just mention what scientists were recruited and what their goal is. Secondly, you introduced Havana syndrome, but then left it alone for a few paragraphs before suddenly bringing it up again. You could organize the Havana paragraphs together, instead of jumping back and forth between topics. Lastly, you don’t have any quotes. Quotes can help illustrate your point more, so you could include some.
I ask you to read this letter and consider making the stated changes to your article. I think this will improve it.
Sincerely,
Alexander Gu
Sources:
https://www.ewcjournal.com/post/spy-agencies-turn-to-scientists-as-they-wrestle-with-mysteries
