Dear Andrew Guan,
I think your article was great, I particularly liked how you included specific examples. However, I have some suggestions. Firstly, I think you used too many quotes. You used quotes in every paragraph, and I believe this makes your writing seem less original and thought out. Secondly, you kind of jump around. You go from talking about the reasons they are proud, to the fans boasting, to the officials boasting, and back to the reasons why they are proud. Lastly, you go off topic occasionally. For example, the first paragraph is about how the Russians played classical music instead of an anthem, but this is unrelated to gloating.
I hope you can read my letter and consider my words.
Sincerely,
Alexander Gu.
I think your article was great, I particularly liked how you included specific examples. However, I have some suggestions. Firstly, I think you used too many quotes. You used quotes in every paragraph, and I believe this makes your writing seem less original and thought out. Secondly, you kind of jump around. You go from talking about the reasons they are proud, to the fans boasting, to the officials boasting, and back to the reasons why they are proud. Lastly, you go off topic occasionally. For example, the first paragraph is about how the Russians played classical music instead of an anthem, but this is unrelated to gloating.
I hope you can read my letter and consider my words.
Sincerely,
Alexander Gu.