Friends, I bring you a journey that you have never heard before. It’s a tragic tale of the life of oh dear me! Let me first tell you of my very humble beginnings…
It all started with a crack and then a sizzle. The gooey egg slid into the pan. It slowly spread to cover the whole surface. And then flipped into a perfect omelet! Or at least that is what I heard a faint voice narrate as I became the beautiful golden omelet. Then when I came off the warm surface that I was created in, I heard another faint voice that said, “Maybe we should have it for later…”
How strange, I thought, what did that voice mean? But before the thought could linger anymore, a hazy hand scooped up the plate I was placed on and brought me somewhere—now don’t ask why I could see this, because to be honest I don’t know either. For all I know, I could have been blessed with sight.
Ok, now back to what I was saying! The owner of that hand opened a door. Then I was blasted by a chill! It was extremely cold. The hazy hand closed the door. That’s when I realized what had happened. The hand had put me there on purpose and left me! I watched as it did so, all of the warm light slowly disappeared as the door closed further. When the door finally closed, the room I was in was dreadfully dark. Dark and cold, so unlike where I started.
Part of me hoped so very much that the mysterious hazy hand would retrieve me soon. But the other part of me knew that this was unlikely. I don’t know why I thought that, but I guess that part of me just knew. Because that hazy hand and those faint voices didn’t come for a very long time.
It felt like an entity. Just staring blankly into the dark abyss around me. Maybe it was an entity, because something was starting to stink. Really bad! It was most likely me, but I forced myself to believe it was something else. I could feel my gorgeous, golden yellow fading away. Over time, my back felt like there was something growing on it. For my own sanity, I didn’t dare find out what was on my back.
I laid there. But then, one day it happened! The hazy hand came back! I watched impatiently as I saw the pleasant light through the crack of the door grow bigger and bigger and bigger! All I could think is how happy I am to finally get my only wish. After all those hours of just sitting there in the dark room, I get to see the light. It was a beautiful moment. The peak moment of my life! But then, like a roller coaster, BAM it hit the ground hard.
This figure leaned slowly at me with the most disgusted face I had ever seen. I could see every detail. The lips curled in absolute disgrace. And the eyes were full of hatred. The nose wrinkled as the face got very close to me. Then it gave one big sniff! I saw the nostrils expand three times its normal size. Two, big, hairy holes took a sniff of me. Just one sniff, just one. That’s all it took for the face to bolt straight up away from me and using a hand to pinch the nose shut. RUDE!, I thought.
But before I could justify what had happened, the disgusted face’s hand picks me up. It brought me somewhere, and then with one big push—I realized I was flying off the plate I was placed on originally. It felt pretty nice…for a few seconds. I was in the air and then plummeted to the ground. I landed on something black and kind of squishy. The whole aroma was terrible—worse than me! I could hear screeches of rubber in the distance and engines firing up. From far away (above me?) I hear the voice from the beginning of my life.
“Your best idea was to throw it in the alley dumpster?” And that brings the story to the present time. I’m confused. Are they talking about me? Is the place I’m in an alleyway? Before I could finish my thoughts, I’m getting picked up again! But the fingers are stubby and have little claws digging into my eggy skin. These odd hands flip me around, I’m looking at a…? I’m not quite sure. It’s a very furry face. Mostly light gray. But it has black fur all around the beady black eyes. Its nose is black and round too. It has long white whiskers? And its ears are on top of the head and covered in fur too? This thing opens its mouth and shows its many pointy teeth and now the mouth is coming straight for me!
That mouth was the last thing I saw, and from a distance, very far away, I heard the last thing I’ll ever hear. A voice says, “Racoon!”
It all started with a crack and then a sizzle. The gooey egg slid into the pan. It slowly spread to cover the whole surface. And then flipped into a perfect omelet! Or at least that is what I heard a faint voice narrate as I became the beautiful golden omelet. Then when I came off the warm surface that I was created in, I heard another faint voice that said, “Maybe we should have it for later…”
How strange, I thought, what did that voice mean? But before the thought could linger anymore, a hazy hand scooped up the plate I was placed on and brought me somewhere—now don’t ask why I could see this, because to be honest I don’t know either. For all I know, I could have been blessed with sight.
Ok, now back to what I was saying! The owner of that hand opened a door. Then I was blasted by a chill! It was extremely cold. The hazy hand closed the door. That’s when I realized what had happened. The hand had put me there on purpose and left me! I watched as it did so, all of the warm light slowly disappeared as the door closed further. When the door finally closed, the room I was in was dreadfully dark. Dark and cold, so unlike where I started.
Part of me hoped so very much that the mysterious hazy hand would retrieve me soon. But the other part of me knew that this was unlikely. I don’t know why I thought that, but I guess that part of me just knew. Because that hazy hand and those faint voices didn’t come for a very long time.
It felt like an entity. Just staring blankly into the dark abyss around me. Maybe it was an entity, because something was starting to stink. Really bad! It was most likely me, but I forced myself to believe it was something else. I could feel my gorgeous, golden yellow fading away. Over time, my back felt like there was something growing on it. For my own sanity, I didn’t dare find out what was on my back.
I laid there. But then, one day it happened! The hazy hand came back! I watched impatiently as I saw the pleasant light through the crack of the door grow bigger and bigger and bigger! All I could think is how happy I am to finally get my only wish. After all those hours of just sitting there in the dark room, I get to see the light. It was a beautiful moment. The peak moment of my life! But then, like a roller coaster, BAM it hit the ground hard.
This figure leaned slowly at me with the most disgusted face I had ever seen. I could see every detail. The lips curled in absolute disgrace. And the eyes were full of hatred. The nose wrinkled as the face got very close to me. Then it gave one big sniff! I saw the nostrils expand three times its normal size. Two, big, hairy holes took a sniff of me. Just one sniff, just one. That’s all it took for the face to bolt straight up away from me and using a hand to pinch the nose shut. RUDE!, I thought.
But before I could justify what had happened, the disgusted face’s hand picks me up. It brought me somewhere, and then with one big push—I realized I was flying off the plate I was placed on originally. It felt pretty nice…for a few seconds. I was in the air and then plummeted to the ground. I landed on something black and kind of squishy. The whole aroma was terrible—worse than me! I could hear screeches of rubber in the distance and engines firing up. From far away (above me?) I hear the voice from the beginning of my life.
“Your best idea was to throw it in the alley dumpster?” And that brings the story to the present time. I’m confused. Are they talking about me? Is the place I’m in an alleyway? Before I could finish my thoughts, I’m getting picked up again! But the fingers are stubby and have little claws digging into my eggy skin. These odd hands flip me around, I’m looking at a…? I’m not quite sure. It’s a very furry face. Mostly light gray. But it has black fur all around the beady black eyes. Its nose is black and round too. It has long white whiskers? And its ears are on top of the head and covered in fur too? This thing opens its mouth and shows its many pointy teeth and now the mouth is coming straight for me!
That mouth was the last thing I saw, and from a distance, very far away, I heard the last thing I’ll ever hear. A voice says, “Racoon!”