I am a boring person. There is nothing eventful in my life at all. If I was a main character, it would make for a boring story. But right now, I am looking at a small orange worm-like blobby creature on the floor.
“Dang it!” I say out loud. “Couldn’t you have given me more than 3 sentences of introduction? The reader doesn’t even know who I am!”
Suddenly, a small hole appeared in the blob, and it started talking!
“I have been sent from a planet that is just a few thousand light years that way.” It pointed towards the sun. “So far all I have learned is that you humans do not seem very bright.”
Wow, I know what’s happening! I must be a main character! I quickly took out my iPhone and called my friend and neighbor George. I used to not know him very well, but after his manipulative friend Mike got arrested, I became good friends with him.
“Are you ignoring me?” asked the alien. “Man, and I was trying to argue against destroying you humans!” The alien started turning red as I started talking to George.
“Dude! I think I’m a main character!” I told George excitedly. “I found a small red alien in my house!”
“Not again!” He replied. “Why is everyone except me always a main character? This must be rigged!”
The alien started growing impatient. “You are starting to get annoying,” it said. “Don’t you want to know why I can speak your language?”
“Huh, I never thought about that,” I replied. “Eh, I don’t really care.” I continued talking to George.
“You should come over,” I told him. “This alien is funny. You should come look at it!”
“Okay fine,” replied George. “I guess I’ll come over.”
The alien was now going from red to purple.
“Wow! You’re so good at changing colors! That’s so cool,” I said.
“You are becoming increasingly infuriating,” the alien started raising its voice. “WHY IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT I CAN EXTRACT DATA FROM YOUR BRAIN TO SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE?”
“Eh, whatever,” I replied. “That’s kind of cool, but that color changing was better. Can you do that again?”
Just then, before the alien could say something, George knocked at the door. I opened the door and let George in. George saw the alien and looked amazed
“Wow! I thought you said it was red!” George exclaimed. “Can it change color?”
“THAT’S IT!” The alien screamed. “I NEVER SHOULD’VE DEFENDED HUMANS!”
With that, a small blob of goo shot out from the alien and landed on my chest. Suddenly, my chest started hurting a lot, and the pain was spreading around my body.
“No!” I screamed. “I’m the main character! I should have plot armor! I can’t die! Shouldn’t I have a couple hundred more pages left?! Who makes a story that’s only 500 words!?”
Then everything went black.
George laughed, transforming back into his original form, the same worm-like creature as the alien.
“We got another one!” He exclaimed. “One in prison, One dead! How should we eliminate the next one?”
“I don’t know,” replied the alien. “But we’ll think of something!”
“Dang it!” I say out loud. “Couldn’t you have given me more than 3 sentences of introduction? The reader doesn’t even know who I am!”
Suddenly, a small hole appeared in the blob, and it started talking!
“I have been sent from a planet that is just a few thousand light years that way.” It pointed towards the sun. “So far all I have learned is that you humans do not seem very bright.”
Wow, I know what’s happening! I must be a main character! I quickly took out my iPhone and called my friend and neighbor George. I used to not know him very well, but after his manipulative friend Mike got arrested, I became good friends with him.
“Are you ignoring me?” asked the alien. “Man, and I was trying to argue against destroying you humans!” The alien started turning red as I started talking to George.
“Dude! I think I’m a main character!” I told George excitedly. “I found a small red alien in my house!”
“Not again!” He replied. “Why is everyone except me always a main character? This must be rigged!”
The alien started growing impatient. “You are starting to get annoying,” it said. “Don’t you want to know why I can speak your language?”
“Huh, I never thought about that,” I replied. “Eh, I don’t really care.” I continued talking to George.
“You should come over,” I told him. “This alien is funny. You should come look at it!”
“Okay fine,” replied George. “I guess I’ll come over.”
The alien was now going from red to purple.
“Wow! You’re so good at changing colors! That’s so cool,” I said.
“You are becoming increasingly infuriating,” the alien started raising its voice. “WHY IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT I CAN EXTRACT DATA FROM YOUR BRAIN TO SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE?”
“Eh, whatever,” I replied. “That’s kind of cool, but that color changing was better. Can you do that again?”
Just then, before the alien could say something, George knocked at the door. I opened the door and let George in. George saw the alien and looked amazed
“Wow! I thought you said it was red!” George exclaimed. “Can it change color?”
“THAT’S IT!” The alien screamed. “I NEVER SHOULD’VE DEFENDED HUMANS!”
With that, a small blob of goo shot out from the alien and landed on my chest. Suddenly, my chest started hurting a lot, and the pain was spreading around my body.
“No!” I screamed. “I’m the main character! I should have plot armor! I can’t die! Shouldn’t I have a couple hundred more pages left?! Who makes a story that’s only 500 words!?”
Then everything went black.
George laughed, transforming back into his original form, the same worm-like creature as the alien.
“We got another one!” He exclaimed. “One in prison, One dead! How should we eliminate the next one?”
“I don’t know,” replied the alien. “But we’ll think of something!”
